Case Work

“Barb, I think we’ve got it.”

“Got what?”

“Everything. It’s all here. The MoneyMakers case.”

“Remind me again, that one?”

“Jeez, Barb, what’s going on with you? And why are we meeting at this dive bar at six in the afternoon?”

“Evening.”

“Whatever. MoneyMakers, I’ve got it, now we just need—”

“Moneymakers…Moneymakers…”

“Are you serious right now? Chet Vanderbilk. That rich white guy ripping people off.”

“Can you narrow it down?”

“Vanderbilt. Come on, Barb, what’s going on with you?”

“Hang on one sec, yeah, another vodka tonic, can I get that in a pitcher? Thanks. Okay, Chet, evil white guy, Moneymakers. Yes, I remember—Mitt Romney looking guy.”

“Barb, maybe you should take it easy with that.”

“You ever feel like you married the wrong guy?”

“I’m married to a woman. You know Nikki.”

“No, no, I know. Forget it, let’s just…Okay, so yeah, what do you have on Moneymakers?”

“Well, the smartphone we swapped, it’s—”

“Shouldn’t we just say phone. I mean, I’m assuming a Mitt Romney CEO guy isn’t stringing together Campbell Soup Cans, you know?”

“Uh, okay.”

“No, I just…it’s like saying, ‘his portable phone’, right?”

“Barb, stay with me here.”

“Right. Romney. His advanced mobile phone system.”

“Anywaaaaay. It turns out Mr. Vanderbilk is working with the Catalina Utilitarian Terror Entity. Come on Barb, you just spit all over me!”

“It’s CUTE!”

“Not hardly.”

“No, I mean C.U.T.E. “

“What is, I…oh wow…You know, I never put that together….baffling really, why would a terror organization…no, not important. It turns out our guy Chet, has been importing–”

“I wonder if they know their acronym is CUTE. Like, hey, we have a bomb, and we’re cute.”

“Okay, what kind of accent was that?”

“Was it cute?”

“Barb. Look, I know you’re going through some stuff right now. With your divorce and your husband’s recent procedure…”

“Oh please. I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to have a drink with a coworker. Come on, Noah—”

“Nolan.”

“Nolan, really?”

“Like you can talk, Barb.”

“Nolan, huh? What is this, 1953?”

“Yes barb. It’s the cold war. Nukes. Spies. Two, down on their luck operatives.”

“Wait, you’re not down on your luck, you’ve got Nikki.”

“She moved out last week.”

“Oh? “

“Stop smiling.”

“Sorry, I mean…Oh. Another pitcher?”

“Why not, but let’s get back to Chet Vanderbilk.”

“Bad Mitt Romney, right. Here, let me pour that for you.”

“Yes. Wow, that’s actually pretty good.”

“I know, right?”

“Okay, so we’ve got clear evidence of this guy talking to the Catalina Te—”

“Just say C.U.T.E., you know you want to.”

“Fine, CUTE.”

“You’re kinda cute when you smile, Colon.”

“Nolan. Now, look. Back to the smartphone, remember?”

“Phone. Grr!”

“Fine, phone. Look, these are nasty people we’re talking about. We actually armed them during the crisis in…”

“Did we give them fluffy spears? Glittery vests and wands?”

“You’re impossible when you are drunk.”

“You like it.”

“That accent you did. Remember that night we went undercover, as the Kozlowski’s?”

“The night you kissed me?”

“Part of the job.”

“Your tongue was on the job.”

“It wasn’t the worst job I’ve ever had.”

“Well then, to the Kozlowski’s.”

“One more pitcher, Halina?”

“Why yes, Victor.”

–PeteFanning/2016